• Alessandro Marini


"Lets go outside!" "fuck off you Hippy, I’m too busy scrolling"

Yes, lets not go out because the world is just a click away. If there were a revolution, it’d be televised anyway. Oh my god, you can even meet a life partner from the comfort of your own bed. I mean getting out of bed was always hard. Before it was because of malnutrition and lack of central heating, now we’re hitting an all time low on motivation because of the saturation of digital stimulation! Soon we will leave our beds via virtual reality. This is the new hell. Honestly though, we are in hell, we were in hell, and you know, probably we will be in hell next year too. So let's just stay there and touch ourselves.

People are always reminiscing about the past sponsored by the 90s, or eagerly awaiting greener pastures funded by coca cola with the iPhone 10 – holographic life partner. Before we bitched about the Kaiser wanting a place in the sun and now we bitch about that sun kissed bitch in the sun, on a beach… whilst we, sit in the rain... in the park at leat! Now we sit on our phones reading fake news, before we sat reading fake news printed onto dead trees… Will we ever be satisfied, or does the human condition lead to a life of non presence and dissatisfaction? I’m not suggesting we all ‘go with the flow’. No, that would be a big irresponsible mess and diapers are only made for specific people. Anyway, we all know that the river flows to the sea… full of micro plastics that will kill us all. But maybe going with the flow means it’s not our fault? What a cop out.

Whether you’re following the vibes, or suffering from neurosis you’re probably quick to criticize and slow to act – even though, surely, some opposite would lead to greater consumer satisfaction. Too used to the customer always being right we have missed the news flash – ‘life is not a product’, it’s not a service either, if it was I would be first in the queue at the customer service desk or at least making a status about it. But we aren’t customers, we aren’t always right and we certainly don’t always get what we want. Life is pain and suffering, under a veneer of sensual temptations, like one big game of soggy biscuit but the last one doesn’t need to eat the biscuit. No, our orgasmic climax is getting to die alone, away from the prying eyes of the human race. Nobody even to post an uninvited obituary on social media, what a shame.

We’ve been judgmental wee shits since the beginning of time, from alpha to omega. The oldest, most ridiculous, ideal forced upon ourselves – Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. Talk about relationship goals. Literally, made of god, in god’s image, they fucked each other over big time… but they still fell in love - and gave birth to two murderous sons you know - isn’t that just beautiful? Kicked out of Eden, you realise no… they’re not the airbrushed beauty from the billboard. No, they’re covered in black char from the burning world in which we all find ourselves trapped (Elon Musk is on the case). However, below the smog stained exterior lies beauty, it’s not easy but it’s worth cleaning up for.

I’m sorry, but there is no ‘revolution’, there is no ‘place in the sun’, there is no ‘Adam and Eve’ pre expulsion, there is nobody on that billboard. Yes sometimes I think life is shit and I’m on a sinking ship that was headed for hell anyway. We have a choice you know, we could all hide in a plastic bag until we die. But I'll tell you, sometimes, if I look through the toilet paper tube up at the blue sky, or if I smell the roses up close, or stop and feel the sun on my face, then I remember life is too short to live in hell, so I’ll pass on that choice. Yes I’ve just sat and had a right bitch about myself and everyone, but I hope we can all sit back, have a laugh and enjoy a cup of tea (or whatever beverage you would prefer) and watch the world continue to, as it has for millennia, burn.

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